Amusing Marriage Advice?
StainlessSteelRat asked:
Hi folks,
Hi folks,
I need to give some amusing “one liner” marriage advice to someone, someone who is getting married.
Google isn’t turning up anything particularly funny.
Any ideas?
Thanks
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ozi bill said,
December 27, 2008 @ 1:14 am
whats hers is hers,whats yours is hers
mommytobe said,
December 29, 2008 @ 7:55 am
“paper brings drama” so just stay boyfriend and girlfriend, cuz gettin devorice is not cheep…that peice of paper that says you are married is so much drama when u just wanna pick up and leave..
Just me said,
December 31, 2008 @ 3:30 am
“My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.”
Socrates.
gilly g said,
December 31, 2008 @ 5:27 pm
Just found some funny quotes, not really sure what you are looking for.
Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts”
-Jeff Foxworthy
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
-Groucho Marx
“The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” -H.V. Prochnow
“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.” -Lyndon B. Johnson
“A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
“My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t.” -Unknown
“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”
-Rodney Dangerfield
“Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain’t so hot.” -Minnie Pearl
“Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.”
-Maryon Pearson
“They say love is blind…and marriage is an institution. Well, I’m not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.” -Mae West
“Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too.” -H.L. Mencken
“A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.”
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” -Rodney Dangerfield
“No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.” -H.L. Mencken
“A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.” -Grace Hansen
“If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.”
-Lawrence Housman
“Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women.” -Marion Smith
“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?” -Barbra Streisand
“My mother once told me that if a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they’ll never get all the pennies out of the pot.” -Armistead Maupin
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” -Erma Bombeck
“I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.” -Lewis Grizzard
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.” -James Holt McGavran
sugarandspice1468 said,
January 1, 2009 @ 3:59 am
I had 18 blissfully happy years. ……………… and then I met her!!
Anntwine said,
January 2, 2009 @ 8:16 pm
My grandfather used say he ALWAYS got the last word in— “yes dear”
MMmm said,
January 5, 2009 @ 4:24 am
I hate lame marriage stereotypes. None of them are actually funny unless you are a redneck.
How about something that isn’t about how the wife is a nagging bitch and the groom’s life is over.
Kristy said,
January 7, 2009 @ 3:09 am
The best advice we ever got was: NEVER LISTEN TO ANYONE’S ADVICE! Hehehe