I’ve now started wondering how much importance I should give to my pride when a false sense of it can put even a precious relationship into jeopardy. I began to seriously think about it after I angrily fought with one of my closest friends over an issue which, now I realize, was of no importance at all.

It was just the feeling that “I’m right” that drove me to that bitter encounter. In a sense, it was good that the fight happened, because it led to my self-introspection. When I sat to think coolly about the fight, the anger that accompanied it and so on, I realized how such emotional outbursts can only damage us.

And how bitter we become while arguing that it becomes difficult to forget and forgive in spite of our best intentions.

Right choice of words at right time

Perhaps you would share my view how a wrong choice of words, even with no malice intended, can lead to an extremely unpleasant situation. The same difficulties may arise even if the correct words are used but at the incorrect time or in an inappropriate manner. Even if you try to sincerely tender an apology, it must be done saying the right things in the right manner.

Tone, facial expression

I also realized, remembering some earlier experiences which I had never thought of seriously till now, that quite a lot of those unpleasant things happened because although I was speaking the truth I could not use the right tone that should have gone with it. I could recall an incident during my college days when a classmate seriously misunderstood me as I said something with a false facial expression, which was not really intentional.

The magic of silence

I realized that I have always succeeded in ending an argument which was threatening to turn bitter by just shutting myself off before I became angry. Silence must be an effortless and effective method of putting an end to an argument. During the course of an argument, if you don’t pay heed to what the other person is saying, you only make him /her angrier. I now feel that it is often better to just walk away rather than going the whole hog in proving myself right.

Learn to say “I’m sorry”

The process of self-introspection has provided me with answers to some important questions. For example, it’s better to pick your words carefully and understand their effects if you don’t want to enter into arguments.

If you are facing an angry person, don’t shout in reply but try to give a calm answer. Without retaliating if you are hurt by a trivial comment by someone, try to forget the episode. If the issue is serious and demands that you fight back, say exactly what you should say without making accusations.

Learn to say “I’m sorry” if you make a mistake. When you do it, it can end the fight and result in reconciliation. If you say “I think I am right, but I could be wrong,” the malice goes out of any argument, although you lose a little bit of your inconsequential pride.

I think you would agree to most of the conclusions I’ve reached after giving everything a careful thought. Who wants unnecessary fights in life?