CHRISTIANS: I need marriage advice?
FabulousInIndy asked:
I asked this question in the Marriage & Divorce section but thought it might help to list it here as well.
My husband and I had very similar views toward religion when we met and throughout the several years that we dated. Now that we are a few years into our marriage we have reached a difficult point where I have grown closer to God and am trying to strengthen my faith and my husband has grown farther from God and less interested in religion. He is no longer interested in even going to church and is basically only agreeing to go because I want him to. We were both raised Protestant Christians and we do not believe in divorce. I know that I can’t force him to think as I do, but I feel that in many ways being unable to express my beliefs without making him uncomfortable is hurting our marriage. For example….suggesting that my husband and I read a daily devotional together makes him feel uncomfortable because he now considers himself more spiritual than religious. I can count on one hand the number of times that he has led a prayer recently and those were generally at my request. Has anyone been through this? It’s really been weighing down on us and to be honest I worry that I am unable to fulfill what God wants of me because I am having such a difficult time in keeping a God-centered marriage. I love my husband, but I can’t help but feel that he’s not the same man I married. I need advice from someone who has been there……please no rude comments, I’m looking for support. Thank you for your input….
“the light exposes…”
i apologize if this seemed like a rant against my husband….i most certainly do pray for him and i was not attempting to make him seem like a bad person or to disrespect him, i was just trying to paint as accurate a picture as possible so as to get good advice. i’m sure you understand.
Caffeinated Content
I asked this question in the Marriage & Divorce section but thought it might help to list it here as well.
My husband and I had very similar views toward religion when we met and throughout the several years that we dated. Now that we are a few years into our marriage we have reached a difficult point where I have grown closer to God and am trying to strengthen my faith and my husband has grown farther from God and less interested in religion. He is no longer interested in even going to church and is basically only agreeing to go because I want him to. We were both raised Protestant Christians and we do not believe in divorce. I know that I can’t force him to think as I do, but I feel that in many ways being unable to express my beliefs without making him uncomfortable is hurting our marriage. For example….suggesting that my husband and I read a daily devotional together makes him feel uncomfortable because he now considers himself more spiritual than religious. I can count on one hand the number of times that he has led a prayer recently and those were generally at my request. Has anyone been through this? It’s really been weighing down on us and to be honest I worry that I am unable to fulfill what God wants of me because I am having such a difficult time in keeping a God-centered marriage. I love my husband, but I can’t help but feel that he’s not the same man I married. I need advice from someone who has been there……please no rude comments, I’m looking for support. Thank you for your input….
“the light exposes…”
i apologize if this seemed like a rant against my husband….i most certainly do pray for him and i was not attempting to make him seem like a bad person or to disrespect him, i was just trying to paint as accurate a picture as possible so as to get good advice. i’m sure you understand.
Caffeinated Content
Misses M said,
December 23, 2008 @ 3:40 pm
God centered marriage is unhealthy because it’s union of 3.
Marriage should be union of 2.
Roccdrummer said,
December 26, 2008 @ 4:58 pm
The Love between you and your husband is far more important than differences of opinion.
GATHEIST said,
December 28, 2008 @ 11:52 pm
Frankly, it sounds like you’re using god and religion as a means of moving away from your husband.
Come back to the real world, sister. Stop two-timing your husband with your imaginary friend.
Barabas said,
January 1, 2009 @ 12:16 am
I’ll try not to be rude but. I am an atheist and my wife christian it works because she and I both put our family and each other first. If you intend to put a god ahead of your family than you really have no place wasting his time in a marriage. If you really love the man how can you throw him away? are his beliefs worth less than yours? At any rate good luck to you what ever you do, I hope the two of you work it out together.
Scottish Dachsy said,
January 1, 2009 @ 8:44 pm
It sounds to me that your husband may be going through a period of some difficulty and may also have some questions about his own beliefs. He needs to work through these things himself. I suggest that you have your devotions yourself for the time being and not try to involve him. You can let him know that he is welcome to join you if he wishes so he knows he has an open invitation. However, use the time to pray for your husband and his spiritual wellbeing. A wife can do this and it is better for you if you can do so alone in your prayer closet with God. The Holy Spirit can lead you into praying for him what he needs.
CJunk said,
January 3, 2009 @ 11:37 am
Do your husband a favour and get a divorce. Don’t ruin his life also.
Gay Mormon said,
January 5, 2009 @ 6:32 am
It is obvious that your not “equally yolked”. You resent your husbands “lack of faith” and he resents your “holier than thou” attitude. But, the truth is that you are trying to force him into being who you think he should be instead of supporting him. You are at fault, not him. If I was him and you nagged at me all the time I would leave you and not grant you a divorce.
tuberoot said,
January 8, 2009 @ 7:02 am
Grow in the Lord and let your husband be. If God wants to, He will change your husband. You are better off because whatever is bothering your husband will pass, the Lord willing. It isn’t making things better by continually pressing him.
Let him be. When the time comes, your husband should come around.
Morganie4 said,
January 10, 2009 @ 7:29 am
Pray and be the best wife you can be! Be gentle and do not criticize, love him self-sacrificially. Love him so beautifully that he will see the love of Christ through you and you can lead him to the Lord through your love.
Don’t criticize him, don’t hate or disrespect him, but give him a love so wonderful he won’t be able to contain his joy
Reflect the love and glory of Christ to him every day
Do it in God’s strength because Jesus will be with you in this!
kidz0211 said,
January 11, 2009 @ 11:11 pm
Put this case in your daily prayer.I believe God listen to all prayer and when its time God will answer yours prayer and lead your family to Him.Keep praying force someone to believe in Him means nothing at all.Please read Revelation 8:3-5 and pray about it to let yourself understand what that mean.
God's hitman said,
January 12, 2009 @ 11:25 pm
My wife and I are also on a different level in Christianity. I chose Christianity due to God showing me the right path and she is Christian because she was raised a Christian (not saying she hasn’t seen the right path). I question Christianity more than her although this is how it works for me. We don’t always see eye to eye on God’s teachings but this does not affect our love for each other. I also do not lead in prayer and ask my wife to always pray but this is because I am not accustomed to this. Any relationship is a growing one and goes through many changes. Perhaps your husbands relationship with God is also changing. Is this a bad thing?
LIONDANCER said,
January 14, 2009 @ 8:50 am
I don’t know what you think God wants of you but I think God wants of you to love your husband unconditionally. Jesus loved unconditionally. I understand that your husband’s choice might make it more difficult to have a God-centered marriage but I also think one must be careful not to have a ‘fanatical’ (sorry for the lack of a better term) religious opinion of other people, i. e. if they don’t believe the same way or are not as strong in their belief they will burn in hell. Live is a learning experience and we are all at different levels of learning, we all learn different things at different speeds and sometimes we even choose not to learn at all. That does not make us bad people.
My suggestion is to love your husband and accept all he has to offer your marriage rather than look at what he can not offer you right now. Be strong.
Somewhat Enlightened said,
January 16, 2009 @ 11:06 am
I don’t know how to answer you.
My mom gave me a book called “How to Change Your Husband”
of course, it had nothing to do with that. It was about how to change yourself.
If you can scarf it at a library, do so. It’s worth it.
Whole Armor of God said,
January 18, 2009 @ 9:01 pm
I have been there with my wife.
We have been married 29 years and 2 months.
Your husband has appeared to have fallen into the I can worship God at home and do not need church syndrome. He may be saved and knows Jesus as his savior then again maybe he is not saved at all.
Not wanting to pray or study the bible may mean he is under conviction and is trying to continue to distance himself from god.
all you can do right now is pray for him. pray that God will continue to convict his heart and that your husband will repent and turn back to God or repent and be saved.
Continue in your faith and pray constantly for him.
God will answer your prayer.
That is what i did when we first got married.
I did not know it but my wife was not saved. i thought she was just not wanting to go to Church. I prayed constantly God would open up her heart. She became saved and started to going to church more.
Never give up God does answer prayer.
yvonne k said,
January 21, 2009 @ 7:50 pm
Hi, I’m a Christian..I haven’t been in the exact same situation but I’ve had several friends that have! (It truly is amazing how many women I know that are in your situation!) First, I would suggest praying..and praying sincerely with faith! Pray for your husband and his relationship with the Lord first and foremost! And pray for your relationship with him as well, that you would be a good example and testimony in your marriage. I would suggest getting together with other women that you consider godly and that you would trust. I would reach out to them with this burden and ask them for prayer as well. Also, Scripture does say that you should approach your husband concerning these issues, he should be the spiritual head of the home and if he is not, you must bring this to his attention (of-course in a gentle and loving way). And if he is unwilling to listen, or does not respond….Then honestly, I would recommend going to your church leadership for prayer and guidance. I would get some of the men involved in your husbands life..not that they should be invasive, or make him feel uncomfortable…but so that they should come along side of him and help him. You know we are created as a body…not as lone ranger christians out there…but we function as the Body of Christ..to help build one another up, encourage and edify one another, and also carry eachother’s burdens! You are in my prayers! Proverbs 3: 5-6
Stephanie T said,
January 22, 2009 @ 12:39 am
You will have to tread lightly on this one. For some reason he has been turned away from his religion and you have 2 levels of belief in your marriage. I don’t know you both and I couldn’t possibly judge your hearts, only God can. So remind yourself of that when you are struggling, God knows his heart and yours. All you can do is pray and be a gentle & loving, christlike example for your family. Take care.
the light exposes the darkenss said,
January 22, 2009 @ 4:15 am
Please excuse all the rude people here. It is clear that you intend the best for both your husband and your marriage. But I must admit that you are not approaching it from the right place. First off before thinking you are some how closer to God then your husband or more God centered then him. I might subject that you stop trying to make him into a woman and take off those rose colored glasses for a second. As Christians we all are growing at different rates. We also are told to Pray.
In all your writing i did not notice anything said about praying or seeking God. Just more or less wraging on your husband.
Might I recomment a different approach. It is called thanking God for the work he begain in your husband and in yourself. Thanking God for drawing your husband closer daily. And thanking God for a wonderful marriage. If you will actually make God your focuse and ask the Holy spirit to lead you in prayer. Then and only then will you see changes in this relationship.
Just a note, The failure to do so will destroy your marriage. And stop
cursing him on the internet with your tounge. The tounge in your mouth will light the fires of destruction if you keep fueling it. Start respecting your husband also. For when you are attacking his charector Jesus is not going to do one thing on your behalf. The reason is because you are attacking the Lord by attacking your husband. Exalt him and stop cutting him down. Build him up in other words.
This all comes from wisdom. Study these words and pray for understanding.
Johann P said,
January 25, 2009 @ 12:52 am
Do not crowd or force him. If you want to save souls, do it on others.
1 Cor 7 Verse 10: And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, let not the wife depart from her husband
Verse 12: But to the rest speak, I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not and she be pleased to dwell with him let him not put her away.
Verse 13: And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
Verse 14: For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: Else were your children unclean: But now they are holy.
Verse 15: But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: But God hath called us to peace.
knyteflyer said,
January 26, 2009 @ 4:51 pm
1 Corinthians 7: 13,14,16 might help a little. And, if you would like a little help winning him w/out words, check out Proverbs chapter 31. I know it might get a little rough sometimes. But keep it in your prayers. I am sure God wants your marriage to last.
ki_utopia said,
January 27, 2009 @ 7:57 pm
paul said that one who is in the lord can lead one who is not in the lord to be in the lord, therefore your faith may eventually lead your husband to the lord
if you split from him, it wil take him further away from the lord
this is work in progress hang in there
BJ S said,
January 31, 2009 @ 1:59 am
Dear Christian wife,
Use the Bible to answer your Christian marriage problems. Not one time in the Bible does God state that the wife should lead her husband in any matter. In fact it says the opposite concerning spiritual leadership. Read 1Corinthians 11:3-12.
The most famous passage of scripture referring to the “perfect” wife is Pr 31:13-27. Of all the things this woman does, spiritual leadership is not one of them.
A good example of a disobedient wife is Queen Vashti. She disobeyed her king husband for a good reason. He wanted to show her off and she didn’t like that at all. Es 1:10-22 God never condoned her disobedience and instead used another woman Ester to save the Jews from a perilous situation.
Jezebel is most known for being a harlot but when you look at her life you realize that she was the spiritual leader in the house and told her husband what to do. By going contrary to God’s plan for marriage, her name resides in infamy.
The solution: Obey God. Attend church. Have personal Bible studies. Have a personal prayer life. Obey your husband and let him come to Christ when he is ready. You cannot push him hard enough to make him want to be a Christian.
There are great marriage resources at the Pearl’s website.
somatist said,
February 2, 2009 @ 12:12 am
“I worry that I am unable to fulfill what God wants of me because I am having such a difficult time in keeping a God-centered marriage.” Maybe what God wants of you is to know where you really stand. Will you still be with God if your husband leaves? You should make that firm decision soon. I do not see in scripture that you bear your husband’s responsibility in the marriage though you should do all you can to save it. I suggest fasting. The reason for fasting is to draw closer to God. One of the physiological effects of fasting is that it sharpens the mind. If you have any health concerns you should speak to your doctor before beginning a fast. 24 hours is sufficient. If your husband is aware that you are supposed to ask him if you need help understanding scripture, if you ask he may become more interested. I wish words could comfort you but I know that only positive results will do that.
Sunsandnrain said,
February 4, 2009 @ 11:30 pm
Show your husband this website
He may consider coming back to Jesus after reading it.
Jesus is God. He is alive forever.
The questions non Christians and atheists usually ask are:-
1) Did Jesus really exist?
2) Is Jesus God?
3) If Jesus is God, then why did He keep praying to the Father in Heaven? How can the Father and Jesus be one God.? Why did Jesus have to suffer on the Cross?
4) What is the Holy Spirit?
It would not be possible to give a short answer to these questions .
I suggest you visit the below website.
After visiting the below website, you would get a lot of answers and be able to answer anyone.
The Notorious P.I.G said,
February 6, 2009 @ 12:38 pm
So, you need to ask yourself a few questions.
Is your marriage more important to you than your husband being as devoted to God as you are ( your opinion)
Are you really that much more devoted to God than your husband is? ( you seem like you are a bit holier than thou, hard to live with a person like that)
Is your marriage only worth saving on YOUR terms? (pretending of course that it is “God’s terms”, but really yours)
Do you think you are somehow more pious than your husband is?
My wife is a Catholic, comes from a devout family, I am atheist, I have allowed her to send our kids to Catholic School, Church, Sunday School etc. but I have also made sure that our kids may reject whatever their own conscience cannot, or will not accept, they are free agents when it comes to religion.
Sorry if I sound harsh, but it seems to me, by reading your post, that you wish to dominate your husband and you have found a tool ( the bible, religion) with which to emasculate him.
I would suggest marriage counseling, ask your pastor, your Church may offer services.
Potter'sClay-Isa 64:8 said,
February 7, 2009 @ 5:23 am
Sister, i would like to tell: Dont be religious. Be a Christian not to show others but to glorify God among the people.
About your husband, a quip: Everyday make a fixed dedicated time like 15 minutes to say, Just praise God for your husband. Seems odd to you, but not to God. When we still keep praising God, the enemy continously gets ashamed and finally you get victory over the matter. Dont force your hubby, Instead: put that what you want, what you require in God’s prescence and Praise god… Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord etc..
god bless
Bernard E said,
February 10, 2009 @ 3:50 pm
Dear Sister in Christ.
God exist. He exist in the air we breath, the space around us and within us. Can you feel it? If you are still and silence and be concious of it, you will feel His Loving Presence. Always there whether you notice it or not.
See His Grace in your marriage and spouse. And you will smile and know that God is with you and have made you a victor.
Whatever we resist, persist. Let God work things out, our hands are too small to deal with it.
Your relationship is more important than whose beliefs is right. I would highly suggest that you put your worries and cares to our Abba and smile more often.
Accept and respect your hubby’s beliefs. That doesn’t mean you agree with him. You merely decide to understand him by seeing from his point of view.
Many of us, we want others to change. I recently realise it is my own unwillingness to change that causes others not to change. Until I change and become more confident of God’s doing than my own doing that I start to see His Miracle unfold, to the extend I can’t belief it myself.
If there’s anything we could do with our hands and might is not a miracle, because it can be done by us. But if its something no one can do but God, than that’s a Miracle. Cos that’s His speciality, which is impossible to us. What is impossible to us is not impossible to God.
Our job is to ASK, Believe and Confess His Grace and Love for us again and again, And trust Him patiently until we felt the peace He gave us, not as the world giveth. And there you are, you got it.
You will have the gift of tongue, love and wisdom will flow when you share your thoughts with your spouse.
Many people strictly put their faith in the Bible and not their relationship with Abba. Focus on your Father and child relationship with Abba God and all will become clear.
Jesus came for the sinners, not the righteous. Only a sinner will understand Grace. God is already working in your husband and marriage. You just have to see Him and not the storm.
I pray that you’ll experience His Grace and Love Always.
Bless be:)
fordicus said,
February 12, 2009 @ 5:47 pm
Try to compromise. For every daily devotional you read with your husband also read a passge from ‘The God Delusion’.