My marriage is suffering because of financial problems, inlaws.any advice?
Maria/Albert V asked:
They say many people never meet that one….I was lucky though cause I met the man of my dreams on November 17,2005. It was a very exciting day January 1, 2007 that was the day we got married ! I thought I am so lucky to have someone like him to spend the rest of my life with ! Everything was going like I imagined, we got our own place, and the married life was good. Everything was going too good though, but I know in real life nothing is perfect. We are having problems right now, financial problems, and it has really affected our relationship. I dont want to be dumb and end up having a divorce. I love my husband, and that day that we said our vows I meant it all and I want to continue living my life with him by my side. My feelings towards him haven’t changed I still love him to death and would do anything for him, Im just scared that ouf financial problem will ruin our marriage. I cant imagine living without him. The problem has gotten so bad that im thinking about moving back in with my parents maybe we just need some time off to think about a solution. Because the longer we stay living together, im afraid we will end up saying something to each other that will make us break up, my husband has said so many things to me that have really hurt my feelings, I understand he’s mad and frustrated about the whole situation. Thats why I think its best if we live seperatly for a while, it will give us some time to think. Sometimes I think maybe its all my fault, I am 4 years younger than him, but I dont think that makes me dumb. He tells me I dont make sense and then he questions why I leave sometimes. How could someone live with a person who’s always calling them immature or stupid. I wonder if he would talk to his ex girlfriends like that too. I don’t want to break up with him that is the last thing on my mind, but i just want him to understand that maybe we need to be away from each other livingwise for a while. I don’t regret marrying him or anything else we’ve been through and accomplished, but I hate the way he talks to me and makes me feel. He finds everything funny like it’s some kind of joke and I dont think our life is a joke but if he feels that way thats probably why things aren’t going so good right now. It seems like we are more comfortable when we are apart, my in-laws have had a lot to do with it too. I dont think he is ready to let go of his parents. I don’t want him to loose touch with them or anything I just want him to put me first since I am his wife. Also i think i may be pregnant. Does anyone have any advice for me?
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They say many people never meet that one….I was lucky though cause I met the man of my dreams on November 17,2005. It was a very exciting day January 1, 2007 that was the day we got married ! I thought I am so lucky to have someone like him to spend the rest of my life with ! Everything was going like I imagined, we got our own place, and the married life was good. Everything was going too good though, but I know in real life nothing is perfect. We are having problems right now, financial problems, and it has really affected our relationship. I dont want to be dumb and end up having a divorce. I love my husband, and that day that we said our vows I meant it all and I want to continue living my life with him by my side. My feelings towards him haven’t changed I still love him to death and would do anything for him, Im just scared that ouf financial problem will ruin our marriage. I cant imagine living without him. The problem has gotten so bad that im thinking about moving back in with my parents maybe we just need some time off to think about a solution. Because the longer we stay living together, im afraid we will end up saying something to each other that will make us break up, my husband has said so many things to me that have really hurt my feelings, I understand he’s mad and frustrated about the whole situation. Thats why I think its best if we live seperatly for a while, it will give us some time to think. Sometimes I think maybe its all my fault, I am 4 years younger than him, but I dont think that makes me dumb. He tells me I dont make sense and then he questions why I leave sometimes. How could someone live with a person who’s always calling them immature or stupid. I wonder if he would talk to his ex girlfriends like that too. I don’t want to break up with him that is the last thing on my mind, but i just want him to understand that maybe we need to be away from each other livingwise for a while. I don’t regret marrying him or anything else we’ve been through and accomplished, but I hate the way he talks to me and makes me feel. He finds everything funny like it’s some kind of joke and I dont think our life is a joke but if he feels that way thats probably why things aren’t going so good right now. It seems like we are more comfortable when we are apart, my in-laws have had a lot to do with it too. I dont think he is ready to let go of his parents. I don’t want him to loose touch with them or anything I just want him to put me first since I am his wife. Also i think i may be pregnant. Does anyone have any advice for me?
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coolchef said,
December 30, 2008 @ 9:01 pm
That`s alot of information. I would, in all honesty, and humility, go talk to 3 sources of Counsel. 1, Priest-pastor 2, A life Coach, 3, A therapist . Providing of course you get no-where in plausible or satisfying answers with us, the readers -S
free_angel said,
December 31, 2008 @ 4:44 am
Can’t manage money, clings to his parents, calls you names and insults you, thinks life is one big joke, etc. Go! Get out while you can.
Raven said,
December 31, 2008 @ 5:33 pm
You need marriage counselling instead of separating, especially if you think you are PREGNANT.
noviaskye said,
January 3, 2009 @ 12:54 am
I would not say to end the marriage. Ask your husband if you and he together could go and see a financial advisor. They can help you work out a budget and find out where the money problems are coming from. I have a somewhat similar situation where I love my boyfriend, but I am afraid that if we get married, financial trouble could ruin it. I am in the process of talking to him about it right now. Do not give up, you married him for a reason, and always remember that you love one another. As far as the name calling goes, that is not appropriate or necessary. You do not name call anyone. It sounds like your husband is frusterated and does not know what to do. I would suggest trying to work with a couples counselor first, and state it to your husband that you need him to go with you for support in counseling because you do not want to loose him, but you want to work on your relationship. Maybe in the therapy session, you could talk to your counselor and explain to him/her that you are having financial problems and it is causing a major problem with your marriage. ACTUALLY, before you ask him to go with you, go see a mental health counselor yourself and see what they suggest. You do not need stress especially if you think you are pregnant. If your husband is still tightly knit with his parents, he may have a hard time letting go. My boyfriend had some of the same issues, but he is improving. Do not give up hope. Take care of yourself by going to talk to a mental health counselor, or someone at planned parenthood, or your doctor. They may have a different type of suggestion. From the way it sounds, I do not think your husband really means to do what he is doing. He is stressed and frusterated, and does not know what to do. You can work through this together, but first and foremost, you need to take care of you. That is always your first priority in life. If you want to talk again, feel free to email me at
Good luck and remember that to every problem there is a solution, you just have to take the small steps to open the door to solve them.
God bless and farewell.