When you already have Kids, they become a big consideration when you decide you want to get married.

If the Children are left out of the wedding, they feel omitted.

Kids certainly do not want to be pressured into doing objectionable things publicly.

There are no rules, no easy prescriptions. There are only very sensitive feelings and a need to launch a family. There are, however, some practical considerations.

Begin the process of building appropriate relationships by considering the capabilities, needs, and desires of Youngsters and adults. Kids do not have the maturity or experience to deal with adult situations, therefore, adults must be supportive of their emotional needs.

When adults are confident in their own relationships, they are far more effective nurturing family connections with the Children.

Children do not want to be ignored, overlooked, or abandoned. They look to the adults in their lives to provide security, stability, love, and acceptance.

So, here is my suggestion. During the dating process, include the Youngsters. Keep in mind, that couples who marry with Youngsters become parents of each others Kids. It takes time for Kids to adjust. It takes work to earn their trust. It takes consideration to help them process their feelings.

The goal of any couple with Youngsters planning to marry is to create a family where each member of the family feels loved, accepted, appreciated, and secure as part of the family. Dysfunctional families are no fun for anyone. When the family shares their hopes, dreams, and plans; everyone is blessed.

Approach the wedding with caution. Build a solid foundation by establishing positive connection with each family member. This will foster positive family relationships.

Many families choose to involve their Children in the wedding ceremony with a variety of roles including wedding vows involving Youngsters.

Susan is a twenty eight year old mother with an eight year old son named Todd. Susan has decided she wants to get married. The adult couple understands that Todd will be affected, but they are hoping it will be a positive experience for them all.

At a wedding planning session, it was suggested that Todd be included in the ceremony.

A few weeks passed and the couple arrived with their little boy. We sat down and discussed the relationships between Todd and the groom. Both expressed positive feelings and set the stage for positive developments. Then we discussed ways to involve Todd in the wedding. There were many options: ring bearer ( a little old), junior usher, or possibly Todd could actually participate in the wedding as a member of the new family.

It was decided, that the ceremony itself would be designed around affirming each relationship: bride to groom, mother to child, new father to child, and the whole family together. We began by looking at the traditional vows and pledges. Obviously, they are designed for the bride and groom to express their commitments to each other. They do a pretty good job too. In this case, we decided to add a special set of vows to express the additional roles of parent to child.

The wedding vows went like this:

Bride: Because I love you, Todd, I ask that you accept Charles as my husband and your step father. I promise that I will always love, protect, and cherish you.

Groom: I love your mother, Todd, and I am committed to both of you. I pledge to love and honor, provide for and protect, and cherish you both.

Todd: Mom, Charles, I love you and look to you for my life, my future, and my life. Thank you for being my parents.

Children are important, and while the specifics may vary, including them in your wedding should be a wonderful celebration of family love.