Marriage Advice Needed?
The Ladies Man asked:
My wife and I have gone through some rough times lately. She caught me cheating on her, but we worked things through and I felt like it was all behind us. She forgave me for cheating, I forgave her for getting mad.
My wife and I have gone through some rough times lately. She caught me cheating on her, but we worked things through and I felt like it was all behind us. She forgave me for cheating, I forgave her for getting mad.
Now, everytime I have a work related dinner date with a person of the opposite sex, she blows up and gets mad at me. How do I put her mind at ease that it’s just dinner and drinks and no funny business going on?
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TBelle said,
December 30, 2008 @ 5:36 pm
Is it possible for her to accompany you on these business dinners?
AnJi said,
December 30, 2008 @ 9:43 pm
LMAO…
You forgave her for being mad at you, eh??
PRICELESS
Mr. Brightside said,
December 30, 2008 @ 10:31 pm
The thing I love most about this question is that your name is “The Ladies Man”
Anyway to answer your question, she is a woman. There will be no reasoning with her and her mind will not be at ease. She will suspect you of cheating even if you’re going out with a nun.
hunger said,
January 3, 2009 @ 7:28 am
I am so glad to hear that you forgave her for her getting mad at you for cheating (idiot).
Your actions over time will be the only thing that will matter and put her mind to rest
happy 1 said,
January 6, 2009 @ 4:15 pm
wait. you forgave her for being mad? that’s funny. you need to give her time. it’s still fresh. we say we forgive but it’s hard. she really loves you if she is willing to work things out. you need to reassure her all the time now. tell her. keep things out in the open.
good luck
nobodiesfool_72 said,
January 8, 2009 @ 1:42 am
First of all you “forgave her for getting mad”. You are a pig, she has every right to get insecure about your “dinner” meetings. You need to give her a hug and tell her you love her more often. We don’t “get over” these things easily as you think. GOOD LUCK!
oldschool said,
January 10, 2009 @ 2:42 am
i have a friend that this just happened to also. i just finished reading a book to hell with hell on line at barnes and noble dot com and amazon dot com in which there are many forms of information that can in essence be considered advice in this regard. it doesn’t sound like a book that would be involved in this situation, but it is. read it and then see if i gave you good information. good luck and don’t beat yourself up.
Annabella said,
January 12, 2009 @ 6:49 pm
You could start by not referring to yourself as “The Ladies Man”.
Justlookin said,
January 13, 2009 @ 12:04 pm
You forgave her for getting mad about you cheating?? Ummm, dude….she’s supposed to and is justified in getting mad about that.
Here’s the thing….you blew her trust, and that is going to take time and effort to regain. Why not invite her along if it’s just business drinks & dinner? Maybe that will go a long way in reassuring her. Try marriage councelling to get this issue dealt with in a way that it doesnt crop up time after time…..obviously it’s not worked so far. Affirm her anger…..don’t fight it…..if you understand her anger is from pain and show that you understand, she’ll come to realize that you’ve looked deeper than the surface of your behavior.
Violet Pearl said,
January 13, 2009 @ 1:24 pm
You can’t put her mind at ease. You’ve proven you can’t be trusted around women.
plg19632000 said,
January 15, 2009 @ 11:57 pm
You broke her trust. And as far as you forgiving for her getting mad when she found out you cheated is a bunch of B.S. You deserved her anger. She should have thrown you out the door! Go to counseling.
tifftiff005 said,
January 18, 2009 @ 6:43 pm
wow . . . you forgave her for being mad?!?! ok let me get this straight youthought she was wrong for being mad? i dont see how but ok. if it was the other way around do you think youd be upset if she had cheated and went on dinner dates with men even if it was jsut for work. im sure youd be upset too. the only way your gonna be able to put her mind at ease on these dinner dates is to take he with you. if you cant your screwed. . .
Pregnant Mommy! said,
January 19, 2009 @ 3:40 pm
Ha ha you “forgave her for getting mad.” Priceless. First I can’t take you seriously b/c of your user name (Ladies man). I would be suspicious too. Come on.
Cutie77 said,
January 21, 2009 @ 2:58 pm
I wouldn’t believe you either… first of all your name here is Ladies man..are you serious? You have a wife you don’t need any other ladies…
I can’t believe you said you forgave her for being mad… you are lucky enough she didn’t dump your butt out the door…you should really value her from now on and stop going to these dinners if it’s not necessary and try taking her out once in a while or doing things that shows her you love her…
She has all the right to be mad, sad, and doubtful about you!
Ps: you know what? You should really appreciate her…because you probably made her feel sooo crappy about herself by cheating on her…
CCKW said,
January 23, 2009 @ 11:24 pm
You’re a fkn idiot and she is too for marrying such a dumba$$
can't_think said,
January 26, 2009 @ 7:20 am
you “forgave her for getting mad”?! sounds like you’re not remotely remorseful for having cheated on your wife. you’re lucky that she forgave you and decided to stick around.
cheating is something that might be forgiven, but not forgotten. and to be honest, your wife has the rights to be paranoid because you broke the trust between you and your wife. this is a consequence of your own actions. you can’t expect her to forgive and forget it ever happened. infidelity hurts, and clearly your wife is hurt by it all. you need to owe up to your end of the responsibility and gain her trust back. it’ll take time, but if you love your wife and is remorseful for your mistake, then you’ll try to work it out. she might not believe you for th next little while, and if you can, try to be understanding and avoid situations where she’s going to question you.
cfoster001 said,
January 29, 2009 @ 12:28 pm
If you want your wife to trust you, then you need to STOP having those dinner dates with a person of the opposite sex, and STOP the drinks. I mean why would you want to have dinner just because it is work related? You should be having the meetings at your work area where there are people around you. No wonder your wife is getting all upset.
She has lost her trust with you and now you are doing it again. Haven’t your already learned from the other mistake that you made? So if you want to keep your wife, then show her some RESPECT.
Samwich said,
January 30, 2009 @ 5:56 pm
You forgave her?? Ass.
Dinner dates for business are not appropriate in most instances. Do lunch if you have to eat but leave dinner dates for your wife.
Ass!
Mr.Joker said,
January 31, 2009 @ 9:49 am
sit your wife down in front of you and tell her that you made a mistake , a one time mistake.
say that you love her and learned from your mistake
and that shes the only one that you love and want to spend your time with
and keep assuring her that its just business
also take her to a romantic dinner and make sure that she knows you love her
hope this helps
baby angel! said,
February 3, 2009 @ 3:29 am
Why wouldn’t she be mad, you broke the boundaries of your marriage. Its takes so much pain and effort to try to rebuild the trust. You either invite her to the dinner and her keep quiet at the table. Or you do specials things for her to believe that she is the only one. And you are going to try to make things work. A hug, a comforting shoulder or fix dinner. You will need to put so much effort into it. It will take years to mend though.
jenniferraecmu said,
February 4, 2009 @ 10:12 pm
you forgave her for getting mad at you? That’s grand! I am sure that it bothered her so much that she was mad at you for cheating on her.
Just Some Girl said,
February 8, 2009 @ 5:21 am
Okay, so you cannot go back in time and erase what you did. You’ll just have to put up with her anger on this issue and know where she’s coming from. Of course she’s not going to be quick to trust you based on your past behavior. That doesn’t mean that you’ll cheat again, but give her time.
Mandee said,
February 9, 2009 @ 1:32 am
“She forgave me for cheating, I forgave her for getting mad.” – I don’t think you meant to say it this way… I don’t think she needed your forgiveness for being mad. I mean you did disrespect your wife(your other half) in the worst way possible and I think your very lucky that she is still with you.
anyway It’s hard to forgive someone for cheating (especially your husband) but she will never forget. The thought will pass through her head every time you go out without. She is wondering why, what did she do and what can she do to keep you from cheating again. I say If your not already getting counseling then you should start and try making your dinner dates with the opposite sex a double date (bring your wife and have the other person bring anyone), If they ask why just simply tell them It’s out of respect for your wife… -Good luck
Kerry said,
February 10, 2009 @ 2:45 pm
Has your efforts been equal? I mean, you cheated. She forgave you. That is big. You part has simple been to forgive her for being….what? mad at you.
I could be sarcastic here and say something like, “Boy you sure are forgiving.”
She has done the better good here and you need to be more understanding and compassionate to her. What else is she to think after your track record?
You need to be more consistent and trusting. She needs to be able to gain more confidence in her. So if you are indeed a “forgiving person” you will understand her needs for reassurance.
Solutions:
Don’t go out with the opposite sex. Period.
Allow your wife to join you.
Have another coworker join you, so that you are not alone with the opposite sex.
Etc, etc.
? said,
February 12, 2009 @ 6:18 am
This is a very touchy subject. Once the seed of unfaithfulliness has been planted then everything comes into question no matter if it gets worked through or not. If she is getting mad that means that she still has issues with you cheating on her in the past. If these issues dont get address things will continue to get worse. Also if you really want this to work then its going to take a little effort on your end to ease her mind. I would make sure not to make her feel like you are keeping something from her. I am not sure what kind of work you do but maybe include her as much as possible. Make sure that she knows everything that is going on so she wont question you. I hope this helps some and good luck
Randy said,
February 15, 2009 @ 10:31 am
She needs to grow up and move on. If she keeps acting like a child you might have to leave her. The relationship can’t go forward with her acting like this.
If she forces you to leave her… screw it, let her live with the guilt of knowing it was her fault.
beagle said,
February 16, 2009 @ 8:02 am
First off I’m not sure why you felt you needed to forgive her for getting angry with you. Even if she asked you. Adultery is despicable and there is only one victim and that was not you. You are very lucky you are still married and not divorced.
Adultery is not something that is just “worked out”. It may take years before you will ever regain her trust- if ever.
What I find alarming is that she “caught” you cheating on her. In other words it is not something that you admitted to voluntarily. That makes it even more difficult for her to get past all of this.
If I were you I would use your imagination and create a work around the dinner and the drinks and woo your clients some other way. At the very least go as a group. The very fact that you are having dinner and drinks with a female under the guise that it is all business may sound harmless to you but it gives the perception that there is more. If you’re business demands it- too bad. You are setting yourself up and leaving yourself open to temptation- yet again.
You need to understand that adultery is one of the most hurtful things a mate can do to their partner. The sting will be there for a very long time and while she is trying to forgive you she being reminded every time you are with another woman- especially alone, for dinner and drinks. She is only human.