Long Happy Marriage Advice?
his wife asked:
I”m getting married this coming Monday I know that I love this man with all my heart and have wanted to marry him since I was 17, we are 27 now. This is my first marriage and his second, no I didn’t break up his first one, his wife decided she wanted to be a lesbian..
I”m getting married this coming Monday I know that I love this man with all my heart and have wanted to marry him since I was 17, we are 27 now. This is my first marriage and his second, no I didn’t break up his first one, his wife decided she wanted to be a lesbian..
Anyway I was wondering if you guys had any advice for a long happy marriage.
Create a video blog…instantly.
endo_chic said,
December 28, 2008 @ 9:14 pm
The best advice I can give you is to respect him for who he is & what he does for you.
Tyron said,
December 30, 2008 @ 7:51 am
Don’t put restrictions on each other, that is where arguements start…
juwiegorawr said,
December 30, 2008 @ 11:42 pm
Never be afraid to try new things. Remember why and how much you love him. Do things for each other even if it’s just because you love each other. Remind yourself why you married him. Always compromise, and try not to fight.
perirb7 said,
December 31, 2008 @ 12:38 am
love, trustworthy, compromise
Nevwe said,
December 31, 2008 @ 2:07 am
Forgiveness, understading, compassion and unfailing love.
Shirley D said,
January 1, 2009 @ 12:10 am
Love your man with all of your heart, we have been married for 30 years have 3 children. Have fun and live life to the fullest
glr5lch said,
January 3, 2009 @ 11:37 pm
You have to communicate with him and always talk about anything that is bothering you in the marriage. Never go to bed angry!!!
roseandron57 said,
January 6, 2009 @ 9:13 am
Alot of love, respect and understanding. Never take each other for granted. Appreciate each other. Don’t sweat the small stuff. And don’t listen to outside influences.
juanes addicion said,
January 7, 2009 @ 11:00 pm
read the book “And They Were not ashamed” by Laura M. Brotherson…. believe it or don’t ….your soon to be husband does NOT know as much about sex as you think he might…
I don’t mean to be blunt…but…there are things he CAN still do to improve..and why not???
plus…it helps to grow together emotionally as well as physically and spiritually…the rest tends to find its way on its own,.,,,
the other BIG key..IS OPEN AND FRANK CONVERSATION at all times…
honesty is pretty good stuff too…that advice is more for him…
Poobeer2 said,
January 9, 2009 @ 8:59 am
Always give him sex even if your not in the mood. Tell him he can only have a quickie. 6 years with my man and he gets it every day as long as its quick when im not in the mood. Keeps him extremely happy and keeps him off my back all day if I say no. Always kill him with kindness when hes rude or mean, dont let ANYONE tell you what to do or give you advice you dont want….Hes the one you go to bed with every night not them…….
Captain Feathersword said,
January 11, 2009 @ 8:40 am
Compassion, Passion, Respect, Love, Sex.
Hollynfaith said,
January 13, 2009 @ 11:01 pm
Laughter truly is the best medicine. No matter how bad things are, they could always be worse. Don’t lose your individuality. What it took to get him is also what it takes to keep him and vice versa. Fight fair, and choose those battles carefully. He may be your best friend, but he’s not your girlfriend so don’t drag him out clothes shopping during a football game. And last but not least….date nights are a must to keep the fire burning.
FaZizzle said,
January 16, 2009 @ 8:29 pm
1) It’s going to be tough, so don’t go in thinking it will be perfect. You will have your disagreements and your fights. There’s no shame in that.
2) Communicate!!! That’s the #1 mistakes couples make–they forget to communicate. Communicate about everything, except for the little things you know are irrational. If you want him to bring flowers home one evening, you need to tell him.
3) Keep your independence–join a club. Get a group of friends together one night each week. It’s great to spend time together as a couple, but you also need to spend time apart.
4) Keep up the trust–and if you think he is cheating, approach him on it. Don’t let it fester. BUT you have to trust him. If you don’t trust him, you’re not going to go anywhere.
5) Talk about the budget. Often. I suggest reading “Total Money Makeover” by Dave Ramsey–get out of debt fast. Don’t use credit cards.
6) Work as a team, not as two individuals. When you look at a relationship like a team, you realize that love really isn’t all you need to survive.
7) Learn what the other’s love langage is. Look at Chapman’s book on the 5 Love Languages–it’ll be easier to see how your husband relates to you. My husband is a service person, and I’m a gift person. When he does the dishes, I don’t always think of that as showing affection, but it’s HIS way of showing that he loves me. When I get my husband a new beer to try, it’s MY way of showing affection. It takes a little bit, but you’ll be able to understand each other better.
Don’t forget about the family, but don’t think that you married them too. If someone in the family is bothering you, just remember that you didn’t marry THEM. They don’t make you any less of a person.
9) Don’t think that love is all you need, because it’s not. If you are commited to this marriage, then you will work on it and not just because you love him, but because you love yourself. Remember to focus on YOUR happiness, not just his.
samer n said,
January 19, 2009 @ 5:56 am
Hi, i’m a woman but i can tell you. Do not insult your husband, respect his family, be nice and sexy to HIM only (he will love it). and my husband thinks i’m great because after almost 2 years of marriage, i still wear nice things and put makeup and perfume for him before he comes home from work. Just put all your attention to him (even when you will have a kid, i have one)
Just be perfect.
ps(i am telling you that but i need to become like that i still need some work on myself)
Congrats for your marriage and have a happy life together (ps: don’t decide to become a lesbian!! lol)
suzzie0888 said,
January 21, 2009 @ 6:36 am
just remember that marrage is very hard work to make it what u want it to be.remember that this world is built that the man always comes first so if things are not going right look if this plays a part and compromise with ur hubby.
good luck and i hope u will work hard together.
lady_phoenix39 said,
January 24, 2009 @ 4:23 am
Communication is crucial. If you have the kind of relationship where you can discuss your sex life while driving to the grocery store that’s a positive.
Remember love isn’t about feeling on top of the world…it’s about COMMITMENT, and commitment lasts as long as you DECIDE it lasts.
He’s a man…..LOVE that fact. And never let him forget that you love that fact.
pappysgotitgoinon said,
January 24, 2009 @ 4:50 am
Always listen to what your partner has to say. Have faith in the fact they love you for you and that they share this emotion for nobody else. Don’t over read anything (as in mistakes) that they may make. Discuss everything and stay focused on the reason that you were married in the first place. Congrats on the marriage.
JANET O said,
January 24, 2009 @ 5:58 am
Just make sure to tell him you love everyday. When he gets sick make a fuss, even if it drives you nuts. Talk things out. Laugh a lot. enjoy each others company and give each other space when ya need it. I have been married 30 years and can’t give him enough space. lol ha ha ha oh well I still love him.
Zarango said,
January 25, 2009 @ 3:32 pm
Congratulations on your marraige! Well, as I am not married, my advice is from an outsider’s perpective. I think something that will become very important is private time together. I don’t doubt that a healthy thing to do would be to take a trip together about every five months or so just to reconnect and relax together. This will help keep the two of you from becoming more like roommates than partners. Also, a big thing to remember is to always compromise with one another. It’s not all about him or all about you, so try to keep things fair for the both of you and find middle grounds for decision making. Keep the lines of communication open at all times, because a relationship based on assumptions of what the other person is thinking/wanted isn’t a very good one. I think those are probably the three main things, at least that I can think of. I hope the two of you have a long and happy life together =)
janiesheron said,
January 28, 2009 @ 9:00 am
First of all Congratulations!! No matter how old or young you are it takes alot of work… I was married 31 years the first time. And with the love of my life now, I am have been married 7 years. I want you to love being with your new husband, not just love him… You need to find happiness in all you do for each other. Respect, trust and laughing alot, that will help you get through many happy years. Best of Luck to you both!!
moondego said,
January 31, 2009 @ 3:00 am
Give and take on both parts. Be a good listener. Try not to insult him only offer constructive criticizing when asked. Have your own space. Have your own friends. Take care of yourself and learn to really love the skin your in. Do not force your beliefs or opinions on him. Let him have his own point of view and do not condone him for it. Learn to laugh at your mistakes and each other. Love alot. Greet with hugs and kisses and never go to bed angry or leave the house angry. Share what is yours and vise versa. Believe in something faith together etc. Go for walks and rides and vacations take quite time just for you and pamper you.
Good Luck and congratulations on a long healthy marriage.
Ketey said,
January 31, 2009 @ 9:08 am
Don’t have a troubled child. It broke up my 25 year marriage. I had a wonderful husband until we discovered that our son had emotional problems. Suddenly a selfish person emerged and stayed until he left me for somebody else. He told me our son took up too much of my time. There are no guarantees in life. Just love one another as long as you can. I wish you the best.
techsuprmomma said,
February 1, 2009 @ 11:15 pm
Poobear was right, no matter what, always give it up.. LOL Yes I know that it may sound cheesy, but it will help. I know several elderly couples who have said the same thing.
Communication is absolutely important as well. Without it, you have hardly anything. Never be afraid to say what you think, feel, want, need. Bottling up everything inside and not opening up to him will cause many many problems. Premarital counseling is an awesome way to build as well. Many programs are through churches. After you tie the knot.. there is an awesome program that you both can attend. You will not only learn about yourselves, but find great ways to build your lives together.
I have been married twice myself, and I didn’t know or understand how important it was to be myself or to communicate. Of course my first marriage was when I was 18 and he ended up being a drug addict. Knowing what I know now. The third will not end up in a divorce!
Also remember family is also so very important! If he has children from the previous there are several websites on how to be a step-parent..
GOOD LUCK!!
Downtown L. A. GUY said,
February 4, 2009 @ 2:27 pm
There are several answers and responses that I can give you; and Each Answer and Response will be correct. However; I will give you the answer and response that IS MOST CORRECT. His Current Relationship with GOD, WILL Determine Whether you will have a Long and Happy Marriage! Does he Currently have a Relationship with God?
What is the Nature of that Relationship? What is the Quality of that Relationship? Listen To Me, and Do Not Forget This; IF, AND, ONLY IF; Your Future Husband’s Current Relationship with God is the Same Relationship that he HAVES WITH YOU, Then Your Marriage will be a Long and Happy One, IN OTHER WORDS, Your FUTURE HUSBAND Should Look at YOU, the Way GOD LOOKS AT YOU!
hawk0810 said,
February 7, 2009 @ 5:44 pm
1. Don’t even do it unless you are 100% positive you can trust each other.
2. Even though you will be a couple, don’t forget that you are also individuals. Make sure you give each other some space.
3. Have separate bank accounts, as well as a joint one. Share expenses according to income. For instance: If you make 60% of the total household income, total up living expenses and you pay 60% and the rest goes in your own account. Some don’t agree with this, but it has worked well for me.
4. You are still relatively young. Be ready and willing to accept changes in your mate such as professional motivation, hobbies, moods, likes and dislikes etc.
5. Arguments are not always a bad thing, but know when to quit. I have heard others say “Never go to sleep angry”, that can be hard sometimes. I prefer “Every day is a new day”. Try and start out on the right foot regardless of the previous day.
6. Have a sense of humor.
7. You don’t always have to say what you feel.
8. Have fun and GOOD LUCK!!
smartypants said,
February 9, 2009 @ 3:50 am
compromise. never stop learning. look for the beauty in every day. at the end of each day, ask yourself, what was the best thing about today? it focuses you on the positive. read something every day. focus on the respect you have for him. in the hard times, remember your wedding day and why you stood there. be brave. be loyal. rejoice every day.
michael w said,
February 11, 2009 @ 4:41 pm
Well I am a 74 year old guy and I can give you a couple of words of advice. Always give more into a marriage than you take out of it. Remember you can NEVER win an argument so try to avoid them like the plague. I could go on for ever but if you do these 2 things you won’t go far wrong. Good luck on Monday and I hope that you both have a lifetime of happiness.
Michel said,
February 13, 2009 @ 6:45 pm
Pray together, go to church together, draw close to God together. This will give you the best chance at a long and happy marriage. It doesn’t mean that you won’t have problems to overcome but a strong faith will help you to resolve the problems and make your marriage stronger. Also, always remember why you’re marrying him and what you love about him. Congratulations! I wish you both all the best!
jimirock said,
February 15, 2009 @ 9:19 pm
first and foremost, if your are marry in church, remember your wedding vow. That is the most important thing in married life.
Happy marriage to you and God bless you
Bella said,
February 18, 2009 @ 12:19 pm
Long Marriage
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town.
People would say, “What a peaceful & loving couple”. The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
The Husband replied: “Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America,” explained the man. “We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona, and took a trip, down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, “That’s once.”
“We proceeded a little further and horse stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, “That’s twice.”
“We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
I shouted at her, “What’s wrong with you, woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? Are you crazy??” She looked at me, and quietly said, “That’s once.”
“And from that moment…..we have lived happily every after.”
Seriously though most of the answers you received are correct, you both need to fully commit to the relationship, and make sure he’s not carrying around a luggage full of hurt or other issues due to his split from the previous marriage so that he won’t try taking out his pain, anger, resentment and any other issues that separation might have left him on you. I wish you the best in your life and marriage
gazpacho said,
February 21, 2009 @ 2:44 pm
Seems everyone has given pretty good advice already. Set love, children, and fun aside for a minute…. ’cause that holds you together. You need to discuss early the things that bring marriages undone.
Fact is marriage often involves compromise by reason that there are two minds in charge of the binding contractual agreement for which there are inadequate specific agreed terms. That is to say, you really have to leave the legal stuff at your lawyers and you have to want to make it work because it is easy to find ways to bring your marriage down. I think too many people have in the back of their minds that divorce is an option when things get rough. If you set out from the beginning to believe that divorce is never an option, you have a much better chance of longevity.
Now that doesn’t mean you have to be miserable either. So, work out your deal breakers in your mind and share them with your partner. The rest of your dis-agreements are piffle. If you have an argument.. not important… make up sex is worth it.
A deal breaker though.. those ground rules establish a line in the sand… so be careful what you choose as your deal breakers. For example, in my opinion fidelity isn’t a good one. Marriages don’t last long if the deal breaker is a want of fidelity. Seems to be #1 cause of divorce, apart from the act of marriage itself. But repeat offences.. I suppose that’s another story… of course, only you and he can decide these things.
Oh, if I were you I wouldn’t raise the fidelity statement.. he will think of it first, given the history you mention. I suppose that was obvious though, right?
One more thing.. never put each other down… don’t mouth off to your firends about he .. leaves orange peels on the kitchen bench.. whatever.. these stupid little things just build up into anymosity.. and turn your tongue and marriage into acid.
She ran off with a lesbian… oh what a terrible nightmare … lol. Go get him.