I need some advice on my marriage please?
jhopper2003 asked:
I am not feeling so good this morning, this is after i caught my wife talking to another guy at all times of the night and the day by text message, e-mail and sometimes by phone about 3 months ago i confronted her and she basically blamed it on me, she told me she didn’t feel i loved her anymore cause i did not pay enough attention to her but i do love her. I went to hug her and she said see that don’t even fell right or good at all, we talk and she did not think we could be back to where we were in the past. so this went on till about a couple of weeks ago and she started acting funny again and it is hard to get her to talk to me, i finally ask her this morning why she won’t talk to me very much when i tried to talk to her her answer was i don’t know and when i do try to love on her it is a struggle and that was her biggest problem before, she just kinda kisses me fast and turns her head and tries to walk past me and she doesn’t even smile at all anymore, i can see a little bit of a change in her. I have tried to make it better but it seems to be getting worse. I have been stressed out for a while now and i don’t think i can take it anymore i try not to bring it to work, but i can’t avoid the thought of filing for divorce, i know i am not perfect, but i do try to be a good husband and father., but it is going down hill fast and she won’t go get counseling i have asked her to the first time it started to get bad we are not getting along very good and i am thinking about leaving to let her know i mean buisness… Can anyone help me?
Thanks
I am telling you guys she will not go to marrigage counsling, she doesn’t think we need it. She just acts like she has lost love for me. she said here a while back that she thinks we got married to early. She has also been married and divorced once before and ashe said it was all him so go figure. I have done so much for her for the past 2.5 yrs we have been married. I can’t get over how she is acting i even let her go out with her friends to the bar and to the mall with out asking any questions about where and when she will be back. she went out the other weekend and she got home around 5:20 A.M and i asked her just to see if she would tell the truth about when she got hom and she said about 4:00 A.M and of course i did not sayanything about her lying to me i just let it go. Maybe i amo nice and she is taking advantage of me.
Our littel girl is 18 months old and i love her to death, maybe that is some of the reason i have not left or done anything yet.
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I am not feeling so good this morning, this is after i caught my wife talking to another guy at all times of the night and the day by text message, e-mail and sometimes by phone about 3 months ago i confronted her and she basically blamed it on me, she told me she didn’t feel i loved her anymore cause i did not pay enough attention to her but i do love her. I went to hug her and she said see that don’t even fell right or good at all, we talk and she did not think we could be back to where we were in the past. so this went on till about a couple of weeks ago and she started acting funny again and it is hard to get her to talk to me, i finally ask her this morning why she won’t talk to me very much when i tried to talk to her her answer was i don’t know and when i do try to love on her it is a struggle and that was her biggest problem before, she just kinda kisses me fast and turns her head and tries to walk past me and she doesn’t even smile at all anymore, i can see a little bit of a change in her. I have tried to make it better but it seems to be getting worse. I have been stressed out for a while now and i don’t think i can take it anymore i try not to bring it to work, but i can’t avoid the thought of filing for divorce, i know i am not perfect, but i do try to be a good husband and father., but it is going down hill fast and she won’t go get counseling i have asked her to the first time it started to get bad we are not getting along very good and i am thinking about leaving to let her know i mean buisness… Can anyone help me?
Thanks
I am telling you guys she will not go to marrigage counsling, she doesn’t think we need it. She just acts like she has lost love for me. she said here a while back that she thinks we got married to early. She has also been married and divorced once before and ashe said it was all him so go figure. I have done so much for her for the past 2.5 yrs we have been married. I can’t get over how she is acting i even let her go out with her friends to the bar and to the mall with out asking any questions about where and when she will be back. she went out the other weekend and she got home around 5:20 A.M and i asked her just to see if she would tell the truth about when she got hom and she said about 4:00 A.M and of course i did not sayanything about her lying to me i just let it go. Maybe i amo nice and she is taking advantage of me.
Our littel girl is 18 months old and i love her to death, maybe that is some of the reason i have not left or done anything yet.
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JunoReacter said,
January 1, 2009 @ 1:17 pm
I understand your pain, but you have to understand that marriage is a massive commitment, and coming onto yahoo answers with half-dedicated people giving out garbage isn’t the best idea, no offence.
Talk to a trained marriage counsellor, who has deep experience of these issues, or a close friend/family member
JM said,
January 3, 2009 @ 12:16 pm
first off, don’t ever blame yourself. people caught doing things they shouldn’t be doing often try to blame it on others so they don’t feel guilty! obviously there are deep problems here. i would try counseling, if you’re both willing to work on it. besides that a separation may be best.
best wishes
jammer said,
January 5, 2009 @ 4:48 pm
She’s trying to tell you that she doesn’t love you anymore, but she hasn’t got the courage to tell you to your face. You already know this.
Erica said,
January 6, 2009 @ 6:11 pm
Sounds like she’s already given up and she’s waiting for you to as well. I agree about getting marriage counseling.
Melissa said,
January 9, 2009 @ 3:15 am
I think if she won’t listen to you then write her a letter.
Tell her that you are sorry for being an unattentitive husband in the past and you didn’t know it was such a problem or you never would have acted the way you did. Also tell her you love her more than anything in the world and want to do everything you can to make it right. Ask her if you can take her out on a date, then have something spectacular planned.
CONVINCE HER YOU ARE GOING TO CHANGE
Also in your letter talk about memories that you have of the two of you. Some of your best memories. Your first date, your wedding day, teh day you proposed, birth of childern ect. Make her remember why she fell in love with you in the first place.
You’re just at a rough spot right now. No marriage is easy and every marriage has them. You two can work it out, you just need to start with some good communication.
If things work out, you just need to remember in the future how it feel now to know you’re losing her and take the steps to make sure it doesn’t go this way again.
Killer Queen said,
January 12, 2009 @ 9:07 am
Usually when a woman cheats she is looking for the affection and interest she isn’t getting at home. Can you hurry and change this around? Tell her all the things you love about her. Do nice things for her. Tell her she’s attractive and sexy. Show her how you feel about her.
If she is set on leaving, then you need to get counseling for you. You’ll need help to get over the hurt.
Alison said,
January 14, 2009 @ 5:14 pm
Honestly, it sounds like your wife is done with being married to you. She obviously does not even want to try at it. I would just give give her an option straight. “We go to therapy and seek some help because I love you and I want this to work. If you do not want this to work then it is over.” You really need to come to reality with this. As much as it hurts and I totally understand how you feel. No person on this earth is worth hurting over and waisting your precious emotions over. Good luck and if you ever want to talk I am here. I have been married for 4.5 years and certainly have tons of experiences under my belt.
Daemon said,
January 16, 2009 @ 4:40 pm
emphasize this: I love you and i dont want us to to break apart, lets work together. and thats all you can do.
remember regardless how much you love someone and allow your feelings to take the back burner to make it work, eventually you have to take care of you cause if they wont help you then who is the only one suffering?
jolie l said,
January 18, 2009 @ 4:30 pm
To me it seems she has moved on, but not the right way. You are supposed to get a divorce before you move on. If she won’t go to counceling then I don’t know what to say. I mean if you found out she was cheating could you still be with her? And totally forgive? If not, I suggest that you move on. So many women out there that need a good man and vice versa. She just wasn’t your soul mate! all relationships fail until you meet the right person
Julian said,
January 21, 2009 @ 8:08 am
I think you should try the whole marriage counsel thing, try to get to the bottom of things. And when I say marriage counsel I don’t mean she gets counseling and thats it. If she sees your trying to make an effort and accept some blame (whether its warranted or not), she may be more open to solving whatever problem there is.
If she’s unwilling to cooperate, maybe you could have the person come over for a home-session? It would probably be a lot of money and effort.
rhodeislandbornandraised said,
January 23, 2009 @ 3:33 am
it seems to me she doesnt want to work things out by refusing to go to counselling. perhaps a seperation may workyou need time away so u can step back and take a good long look at your relationship. u dont say how old your children are, but im sure they must realize something is wrongeven young kids know when something is wrong. how about going by yourself to see a counsellor and then they can give u an idea of how to deal with all this good luck
Martina-Wayne S said,
January 24, 2009 @ 6:00 pm
well, i know how that feels, my husband has the same attitute, i love him alot but it feels like hes distant and dont look at me the same anymore it hurts alot, he used to pay attention to me all time now im lucky if he talks to me go to counceling mabey it will help. good luck
Marta L said,
January 26, 2009 @ 5:15 pm
Is been my experience that once is not there any more, enough for you to go and find what you need outside, it is just not there. People sometimes are better people not around each other. A relationship should not be based on obligations, I would get out. Good luck
Simply Me said,
January 26, 2009 @ 11:48 pm
You’ve forgotten that she is special and beautiful to you and she’s possibly found someone to tell her these things. In order to revive your marriage you’ll have to work hard if she’s involved with someone else.
She gave you a HUGE hint when she said that you don’t pay attention to her anymore. Take the hint. Turn off the football, Nascar, baseball, ect.. and look into her eyes and tell her that you want her and care for her.
You didn’t care about anything but her when you were dating except “I gotta get to her house”, “I gotta see her NOW!” In the rut of marriage you let routine kill her affections.
Fight to win her heart back!
LIONDANCER said,
January 27, 2009 @ 5:55 pm
I am sorry you have to go through this. You sound like you are really trying hard to make things right. Unfortunately you can’t change anybody’s behavior who does not want to change. A marriage is a two way street and both have to work on it. It just does not work if there is only one working on the marriage. You just can’t make anybody stay who does not want to stay. You don’t say if your wife is having an affair already. I would consider a separation first and if things don’t improve a divorce. You deserve to be in a happy relationship.
Karen C said,
January 28, 2009 @ 6:10 pm
im going through some things right now too with my boyfriend of 5 years and he doesnt appreciate me. So I left him and now hes calling and running back to me…hence, you only realize how much u love something until its gone, and it sounds like to me she is in love with someone else, hun u need to realize wut shes doing is wrong and leave her she doesnt wanna even talk to u and that isnt healthy…do the right thing, divorce is probably the only answer…im very very sorry, i couldnt imagine how u feel, and I hope everything gets better soon
Randall said,
January 29, 2009 @ 10:21 am
Well she has long since divorced herself from you. She has developed a relationship with other men and it is natural for her to be breaking her relationship with you and blaming you with her problems. A real relationship takes time and effort – of course you must invest your time and effort – and it sounds like you have been trying to, but she spurns your advances because she is already attached to another man. It is past time to separate from her and as she has already another man divorce would be in order.
I know that is a sad tale – she would be happier being faithful to one man – but she must find that out for herself so – let her go. If you don’t she probably just continue to be non-committal.
Samantha said,
January 31, 2009 @ 10:56 am
you have to ask yourself how much your willing to do to make this work. Unfortunately i don’t think she is treating you right at all and it looks to me like she wont know what she has with you till its gone. I mean she is talking to another guy already, she is totally in the wrong here. I don’t know if being romantic will help, you know flowers candies nights out. i really hope that it works out for you. but honestly as hard as it is to do you have to do whats best for you. Are there kids involved in this?
Looks to me like she is looking for an easy way out, women tend to not want to be the cause of a breakup so they do what they can to flip the coin if you know what i mean. her distance towards you physically suggest she isn’t physically attracted, it could just be a phase.
Cyclist 2300 said,
February 3, 2009 @ 4:15 am
Marriage is a two way street………
You can’t just blame yourself…. nor can you just blame her.
Things are not going well….. cause something is missing….. and you have to find out what that something is.
don’t suggest that she go to counseling…. but that both of you go together. You are married…. you are both responsible.
If she will not do joint counseling… then perhaps it is time to suggest a period of separation.
…. DON’T STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE OF A CHILD…… never a good idea.
sounds like the two of you need a new beginning…. apart from each other.
hope said,
February 5, 2009 @ 8:18 am
You said you have asked your wife to go to counceling with you but she won’t so why don’t you go by your self just to help you deal with this issue.
I think you wife may be wanting a single life again and may resent you for being tied up again. How is she with the kids?
I understand your stress and it is probably the worst time for you in this realationship as you need to make up your mind what to do next, and it is very hurtful and fustrating when you love someone and they don’t give it back.
She doesn’t seem to love you sorry mate!! I think she has other interests. If she has she should come clean and tell you.
Yeah if she doesn’t got to counceling or improoves I think you have a right to some happiness and peace(although it will be very hard at first)
and I think you should walk out on her but not on your kids
kellygirl said,
February 6, 2009 @ 3:21 pm
Sounds like its over or she wishes it was over. For whatever reason, she seems to have fallen out of love with you and perhaps in love with someone else. You should focus on being a good father and getting a place that will suit the two (or more) of you after the divorce. This will be a very tough time for your child(ren) and you too, but you need to do what’s best for them. I left my ex-husband about 4years ago, and although it was incredibly difficult, it was the best decision for all of us. Good luck.
mellishw said,
February 7, 2009 @ 12:39 am
Give her a big kiss on the forehead and look at her straight in the eyeballs! You are not her father! Be a LOVER!!! Take her in your arms and kiss her!!!
Kimmerz said,
February 9, 2009 @ 12:32 am
Looks like she is ready for divorce, but does not have the nerve to tell you. Maybe you should move out and let her decide what she wants.
CarlZup said,
February 10, 2009 @ 7:02 am
Apparently, only you made the commitment in your relationship. If your side of the story is correct and you have tried and she does not want to then no amount of counseling will change this. I hate to say this, but you have to think about the rest of your life. She will have to bear her own regrets for not being honest with you, or herself, when she married you.
Move on and start anew. But, you still have an obligation to fulfill as a father, a separation would be the best move at this point and frequent contact with your kid(s) to be sure that they are being raised in a healthy environment. A counselor for yourself and a lawyer to protect you and your children(s) interests would be prudent moves.
bal92708 said,
February 12, 2009 @ 4:26 pm
First off, people change. In marriage one person changes while the other goes about things the same old way day in day out. By the time that person sees the difference, it’s often too late. It’s a pattern for that person to then blame the other. It sounds like your wife already made up her mind about your marriage, she’s just not ready to leave yet. Maybe she’s hoping you will so she can stay put and not disrupt her life. You could try counseling for yourself, at least learn to handle the stress part of it. That way you’ll be prepared to deal with what the next step could be. Good luck
justaskme said,
February 14, 2009 @ 10:01 pm
It’s becoming obvious that she is not interested in working this out. She is just staying in the marriage in hopes that you’ll be the one to take action. She wants you to be the one who leaves &/or files for the divorce. If YOU leave then in her mind you’re the one who wanted out. How did her last marriage end? She’s not really giving you many options here. I think you need to move out ~ go stay with your parents, a friend or other relative. Also you need to file for an appointment with the Friend of Court to have child support established. This can be done without having to actually file for divorce, this way. Visitation can be set up at time, as well. Protect your rights as a father & make sure this is done right away.