Comments on: husband tries to make things funny when i’m upset,.advice?

By: Astrid

Astrid — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 04:32:28 +0000

Well, first of all don’t make him feel like he’s wrong. It’s his coping mechanism, but if it bothers you it’s best to tell him. You could start off by saying, “I know you don’t like seeing me upset, but would it be alright if I could lend your ears for some time? It’ll help me feel a whole lot better” or ” It would make me feel a whole lot better if I get this off my chest, so I would really appreciate it if you could listen to me.”

Women release stress while talking about problems, and when we talk we also release negative emotions. He doesn’t understand that, so you should tell him so he’ll know that when you’re talking while upset it’s just a way for you to cope with stress.

By: whysodamhard

whysodamhard — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 12:51:49 +0000

I have that same damn problem, I have finally realized it is my husbands way of dealing with problems. usually it takes me out of the angry lady mood. have fun with it.

By: I39

I39 — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 14:42:01 +0000

My hubby used to do that. I would be mad and hurt over something and he would have the gall to sit there smirking and cracking jokes. It would escalate the situation and the louder I yelled the more he smirked. He’s grown up now and doesn’t do that any more. Thank God.

By: Al B

Al B — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 13:23:39 +0000

That may be his way of trying to cheer you up and get you out of that upset mood and he perhaps doesn’t at all mean to make light of it but that is his way of dealing with that.
you can try to give him another way of dealing with that by telling you are upset and need a dinner at Appleby’s for example – or Pizza Hut, or whatever and perhaps that might even cheer you up enough that the jokes don’t bother you as much and the change of routine will help him learn to listen and be more empathetic. congratulations for having one of the good marriages!!

By: cyrusbblackthorne

cyrusbblackthorne — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 00:42:07 +0000

I completely understand where you are coming from. i am very much like your husband. At times my wife can unleash a waive of emotional trauma that would sink the Titanic. I have to diffuse the situation to deal with it myself.

the use of any coping device is a sure sign tha the person using the coping device is overwhelmedby whatever is confronting him/her.

the fact that he is using humor to cope shows just how much he really cares. If you want empathy, you are going to have to find a way to meat him half way and tone it down so that he can meet you in the middle without the coping device.

By: allley

allley — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 18:03:52 +0000

i had the same experience with my husband, it’s anoying. what i think you should do is the next time he blows something off in a light hearted manner, leave it go, get back later when he’s relaxed and explain how you feel,without being too serious, hopefully he listens.All you could do is try.

By: mollyflan

mollyflan — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 07:39:25 +0000

Have a talk with him when you’re not upset and explain these things to him. He can’t read your mind and he thinks he is doing the right thing by trying to make you feel better. Men, generally, are problem solvers and instinctively want to fix the situation and make their loved ones happy again. Just explain to him that what you want is someone who just listens and is empathetic. Just tell him how you want him to react.

By: ruby

ruby — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 14:03:11 +0000

He is uncomfortable talking about the serious stuff. When you want him to understand your feeling, write him a letter on paper and tell him. Then he can read it in private and get the message. If you are lucky he will write back to you.
My 1st husband was like that, but responded well to writing down his feelings. It also keeps you from arguing.
Good Luck.

By: cooter726

cooter726 — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 16:05:11 +0000

Lighten up and take life with a grain of salt. Be so glad that he laughes instead of screams. Wish more men were like him.

By: Jill

Jill — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 14:06:03 +0000

That is his way of being receptive and caring.

Since it’s really bothering you, before you vent to him tell him to just listen and all you need is a hug. You can’t expect him to change a behavior over night.