First year of marriage advice :)?
Ethan’s mom! asked:
My husband and I are in our first year of marriage as well as our first year with a baby, so it’s extra stressful. We’re so amazingly in love but like most couples we have issues we’re still trying to work out. I just wanted to hear from some of the more experienced married people out there any advice for getting through what people call “The toughest year in your marriage.” Thanks in advance
We’re not having any problems but I’ve always been told the first year is the hardest, just thought I’d ask for some advice from experienced people!
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My husband and I are in our first year of marriage as well as our first year with a baby, so it’s extra stressful. We’re so amazingly in love but like most couples we have issues we’re still trying to work out. I just wanted to hear from some of the more experienced married people out there any advice for getting through what people call “The toughest year in your marriage.” Thanks in advance
We’re not having any problems but I’ve always been told the first year is the hardest, just thought I’d ask for some advice from experienced people!
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Queen of Beer said,
December 21, 2008 @ 7:52 am
I never heard that the first year was the hardest. I thought that was still the honeymoon stage? I’d be afraid if I were you.
Cindy L said,
December 22, 2008 @ 4:01 am
Hi, specifically what are your issues. Every couple is different. Finances, raising your child, inlaws?
Might be able to offer some advice if I have specifics
tina p said,
December 23, 2008 @ 10:27 pm
well i know its hard goin through that. i got married last yr to. i know how the whole things goes. its hard dealin with the stress of bein newlywed. u have to take time to take care of ur man to. u cant put him to the side. u have to show the men even more attention when u can now that u have a baby. when we got married our troubles seemed to double. i think the best thing for u to do is go to marriage coucelin. it has helped me so much talkin issues out. that way each of u can see what needs to be done and will get done when u work together.
daddylonglegs2003 said,
December 26, 2008 @ 6:40 pm
It’s not a good sign that you’re already have issues in your first year enough that you have to go out asking for help. Especially in your first year, you should be able to talk to each other about anything. So talk and figure it out.
treppab said,
December 27, 2008 @ 3:11 am
communication, communication, communication.
don’t go to bed angry at one another (even if it seems like something little)
always say i love you
don’t lose the romance or little things that you did for each other
nedree@verizon.net said,
December 28, 2008 @ 6:44 am
i dont know what you mean the toughest year.that should be the best year.and each year after that it gets better.are you doing your part as a wife should.support you husband in all things.he will love and respect you for it.good luck.
Heather D said,
December 28, 2008 @ 11:15 am
First year is a little difficult if you have not known each other very long or if you are just now merging finances and homes. A new baby always makes things hard. The new baby is harder than the marriage I think.
We were married 8 years before having our son. Just work together as a team to be a couple. Don’t let the baby tear you apart. Make sure you save time for each other every day. Even if it is 30 minutes talking or taking a bath together. Just do it.
My advice after being with my husband for 15 years is this:
Always communicate your feelings, laugh as much as possible, give all you have and you will receive it in return times 10.
latinqtgirl said,
December 30, 2008 @ 8:46 am
My first year of Marriage was really hard, cause I didn’t have any family around……. I love my husband to death the one thing we both agree on is NEVER going to bed mad at each other… Every three to Four months we do see a marriage counselor just to make sure we have our communication open.. Trust me marriage is HARD and there are times I want to kill my husband and I’m pretty sure he wants to kill me too….lol… Like other people say .. You really have to communicate!
Cinnamon said,
December 31, 2008 @ 6:14 pm
The first year is getting to know the other..You have a baby too. That adds stress though wonderful…and the changes your body has gone through..Be patient, understanding. Love your man, let him love you..Make time alone now and then with your husband..I had 2 babies in 2 years of marriage. We were married 37 years, before he died..We had 3 children total. The journey is not always perfect, but worth it all.
Dee U said,
January 3, 2009 @ 6:39 pm
the first year is considered the Honeymoon year after that the next 5 yrs are considered the toughest.
Communication & compromise has been the key for me …oh and of course good sex even when I’m alittle to tired.. got to keep the bedroom happy.
smokinhotmama82 said,
January 5, 2009 @ 8:35 am
Our 1st year was our hardest year too. Don’t be worried. It is only called the “Honeymoon Phase” b/c of all the “society approved” sex you’re having. You can’t tell me that nobody else has issues their 1st year. Ours were finances, our parents, the thermostat, constantly being together, getting a pet. Everything from big stuff to small stuff. It’s PERFECTLY normal. We’ve been married for 4 years now (not very long I know. But we’ve been together for 11 years total.) & we’re VERY happy! We now know what the other one thinks about stuff, so there is less to fight/argue about. Good Luck to you & your family!
bestadvicechick said,
January 7, 2009 @ 2:46 am
The first year is tough because you’re still really getting to know one another….especially those little flaws or habits!
Plus, if you’ve never lived together, you’re kind of getting used to each other just as roommates. With that in mind, here are some pointers:
*If you both wake up every morning and make it a point to think “how can I make my wife or husband feel loved today?” then you’ll be good. When you START the day w/ that as a priority, then you’re taking care of each other equally.
*Set out clear expectations and boundaries so that neither of you have pent up anger over issues. If it drives you crazy when he leaves the toilet seat up, just ask him nicely to put it down. If it’s obvious after a month that he’s just NOT going to remember, pick your battle!
*When you’re angry or frustrated about something he does, think to yourself “is this REALLY the end of the world? Is this REALLY something worth fighting for? Does this annoyance take away all the good, incredible ways he shows me love every day?” You have to put those tiny annoyances into perspective. At the end of the day, he might not be perfect but if he shows you how much he loves you in other, thoughtful ways then he’s doing good.
*TALK about things that are bothering you but pick your timing wisely! I got a lesson on this early on!! The reality is, your man isn’t going to be as open to listening to your criticisms if he’s had this horrible day at work & comes home w/ a headache. You have to pick the right time.
*NEVER, NEVER, EVER talk about an issue that’s been bugging you when you’ve just had a big, heated argument! He will only be defensive, won’t listen and nothing will get accomplished except hurt feelings. When you have an argument, make it a rule that you both take a 5 minute time out to collect your thoughts, calm down and THEN (only then) come back together to discuss something when you’re more rationale.
*Never stop TRYING. Too many women & men get comfortable in their marriage & stop WOOING their mate. It’s fine to be comfortable with someone but when you’re constantly in sweat pants & never do your hair, well, it’s easy to see how people “fall out of love.” R’ships are like cars – they require routine maintenance so don’t forget to pay attn to that – even as new parents. Parents OFTEN get so focused on the baby that they forget to nurture & love EACH OTHER. Pretty soon, you look up 10 years have gone by & you don’t even know that person because all you’ve talked about is the children.
*Set a spending limit!!! Agree that neither one of you will EVER spend more than X amount without first passing it by the other person. It’s not about “asking permission” per se but more a respect issue.
Hope this helps!