habitofharmony.com

If you have ever visiting New York City you may have felt that it was an overwhelming place. After all, there is such a hustle and bustle associated with the city that it becomes difficult for our senses to even remotely absorb all the various images and sounds that we are surrounded by. But, if you spend enough time there this feeling of being overwhelmed will slowly dissipate and everything may end up becoming mundane.

This brings about the opposite effect in the sense that so much surrounds us yet we pay not attention to it. Both sides of this coin are variants on a lack of observation and this is something we must all avoid because observation comes with many huge benefits namely observation provides valuable insights designed to develop self improvement.

You can learn a lot from what is around you. In fact, there are often a number of magical things that exist underneath the service of common, ordinary things. But, when we usually go about our daily business we have a tendency to not pay attention to those little things that can often make a difference in our lives. Whether we look at someone who can commandeer a crowd, or we listen to an effective speaker or we watch something that catches our eye in an inspirational manner we are slowly absorbing aspects of self improvement through osmosis.

This is a very important aspect to look at mainly because we assume that self improvement comes through a mystical or profound process. In reality, self improvement can often come from some very mundane sources and provide a huge benefit.

There is a catch, however. Observing other people is always a huge benefit for gaining insight to self improvement, but one should avoid comparisons. That is, it is important to not look at a better performer and wonder why you can not reach such lofty goals and it is equally important not to prop yourself up based on the shortcomings of another.

Both spheres really do not lead to self improvement as much as they are a method of self rationalization of deficient areas. That is not self improvement; it is a form of self delusion and should be avoided.

But an accurate observation of those who are around you can lead to making those little discoveries that can provide a conduit to living the life worth living. Yes, it is often the little things that matter and this is very true in areas of self improvement.

When it comes to the subject of self improvement most people will look for a guru to lead them to the proverbial promised land of self improvement.

Now, it is definitely not a bad idea to follow the advice of those who have long since proven themselves successful. This we understand. However, there comes a time when someone must leave the proverbial nest and be a leader as opposed to being a follower.

Leadership roles can bring a person to the realm of positive self improvement for a number of reasons. This is because leadership roles have a different dynamic to them that alters the way one performs. Often, this is because one must always take the initiative as opposed to playing a more passive role. After all, a leader is supposed to lead and not follow!

For example, even something as simple as assuming a coaching role on a softball team can lead to self improvement. If the coach has to decide which players go to bat in which order the coach must come up with the best line up based on experience and judgment. Also, the coach must be very direct and “lay down the law” with those who may be unhappy with the batting position.

Then, if the batting line up turns out to be problematic the coach must take in the feedback and make proper alterations on the line up to make sure that it improves for the next game.

When one examines all these steps in devising a batting line up we discover a host of benefits that the coach is gaining in terms of self improvement. The coach is learning to be assertive, be a decision maker, acting as a personnel manager and then develops the skill of learning and improving on mistakes.

These are a ton of self improvement benefits that are gained and they would not necessarily be gained in a subordinate role.

Now, this is not to say that there is no self improvement that can be gained from a subordinate role. But, it is to say that a unique dynamic can be derived from taking a leadership role that can lead to a number of unique self improvement goals. So, whenever one has the opportunity to take a leadership role it is best to jump on the opportunity.

The benefits are tremendous and can never be understated. Leadership and self improvement go hand in hand.

While self help gurus have been mocked quite a bit as being the product of an overblown 1990’s fad, the fact remains that many of these self help gurus truly did know what they were talking about and provided some wonderful tips and advice to improve their lives.

While these gurus often released a number of excellent items in print form they also released a number of excellent audio books and recording that possess a tremendous amount of value for anyone who wishes to hear a number of these cool lessons outloud in the actual coaching voice of the guru.

Superstars such as Tony Robbins and Zig Zigler have a unique and empowering voice that can really make a person want to take action.

Listening to Zigler discuss changing an alarm clocks name to an “opportunity clock” is shockingly more compelling than reading those words in a book.

Some may feel that is not a wise idea to purchase the audio books due to the time constraints they may have on listening to the audio recording. But, the flexibility available for listening to these items is more significant than some would think. It is not even all that difficult to listen to some of the wonderful lessons that a number of cool self help audio books.

In fact, you could listen to them while going about your normal daily duties. For example, if you drive to work in a congested area where a lot of time is spent sitting in traffic having an audio book playing in the car can not only prove educational; it can help alleviate a number of the problems with boredom while driving.

Then, there is also the possibility of listening to audio recordings on your MP3 player or iPod. This way you could listen to your audio books while working out, shopping or even riding a bike.

Also, you do not have to listen to hours and hours of audio recordings and speeches in order to gain value from the audio books. Sometimes, even listening to a few aspects and major points on the recordings can do a tremendous service.

Even if you listen just a half hour a week you can increase your ability to discover inroads into self improvement. What is required is consistency so a little bit over a long period of time can deliver a lot of improvement. With inspirational speaking, like many other things, a little can go a long way.

I’ve now started wondering how much importance I should give to my pride when a false sense of it can put even a precious relationship into jeopardy. I began to seriously think about it after I angrily fought with one of my closest friends over an issue which, now I realize, was of no importance at all.

It was just the feeling that “I’m right” that drove me to that bitter encounter. In a sense, it was good that the fight happened, because it led to my self-introspection. When I sat to think coolly about the fight, the anger that accompanied it and so on, I realized how such emotional outbursts can only damage us.

And how bitter we become while arguing that it becomes difficult to forget and forgive in spite of our best intentions.

Right choice of words at right time

Perhaps you would share my view how a wrong choice of words, even with no malice intended, can lead to an extremely unpleasant situation. The same difficulties may arise even if the correct words are used but at the incorrect time or in an inappropriate manner. Even if you try to sincerely tender an apology, it must be done saying the right things in the right manner.

Tone, facial expression

I also realized, remembering some earlier experiences which I had never thought of seriously till now, that quite a lot of those unpleasant things happened because although I was speaking the truth I could not use the right tone that should have gone with it. I could recall an incident during my college days when a classmate seriously misunderstood me as I said something with a false facial expression, which was not really intentional.

The magic of silence

I realized that I have always succeeded in ending an argument which was threatening to turn bitter by just shutting myself off before I became angry. Silence must be an effortless and effective method of putting an end to an argument. During the course of an argument, if you don’t pay heed to what the other person is saying, you only make him /her angrier. I now feel that it is often better to just walk away rather than going the whole hog in proving myself right.

Learn to say “I’m sorry”

The process of self-introspection has provided me with answers to some important questions. For example, it’s better to pick your words carefully and understand their effects if you don’t want to enter into arguments.

If you are facing an angry person, don’t shout in reply but try to give a calm answer. Without retaliating if you are hurt by a trivial comment by someone, try to forget the episode. If the issue is serious and demands that you fight back, say exactly what you should say without making accusations.

Learn to say “I’m sorry” if you make a mistake. When you do it, it can end the fight and result in reconciliation. If you say “I think I am right, but I could be wrong,” the malice goes out of any argument, although you lose a little bit of your inconsequential pride.

I think you would agree to most of the conclusions I’ve reached after giving everything a careful thought. Who wants unnecessary fights in life?

When it comes to self improvement we often think of this in terms of positive mental outlook. This is a good reason for this: a person’s mental state is often closely tied in to the person’s self esteem and the confident image they project.

However, it is also critical here to note that there is also a physical aspect to self esteem. In other words, self improvement is intimately tied to the way a person looks. Now, there will be those individuals who think this is not fair and that it may be shallow.

Well, regardless of the presence of fairness or depth the fact remains that improved physical appearance will often have a solid impact on self improvement.

This is why diet, exercise and dress should never be underestimated in terms of their impact.

As such, spending a little time exercising is not a bad idea. This does not mean that one should jog five miles a day or take part in a draconian diet.

No, what it means is that a person should stay in shape by eating right and exercising regularly. This will drastically improve personal appearance and that will have a solid impact on an individual’s self esteem.

Of course, looks are not limited to merely the natural body as the way a person dresses will also have a certain impact as well.

Dressing well remains a critical aspect of how other perceive you and how other perceive you will, in turn, affect the way you look at yourself.

Now, this does not mean that you have to run out and purchase the most expensive clothes on the market. What it does mean, however, is that you always dress and look as best as you possibly can look.

This means appearing neat and clean and depicting yourself as an individual who takes pride in his or her appearance.

It would go without saying that a person who is rumpled or disheveled is hardly going to emit a sense of confidence or self-assuredness.

Even if the person does not lack self esteem such an image will emit an air of laziness and this is hardly the type of image a person is going to want to depict as it clearly undermines any attempts at personal self improvement.

The impact of physical appearance on a person’s self improvement can never be overstated. As such, if one is looking to increase self esteem taking care and pride in one’s physical appearance and dress is critical. If one opts to take small, incremental steps in this direction the benefits will become highly noticeable.

When it comes to self improvement, the vast majority of the improvement is mental and psychological. Now, some may not agree on this and point out that many forms of self improvement deal with physical self improvement.

Granted, it is true that physical appearance will weigh heavy on a person’s self esteem; but, physical appearance alone will not “save” a person who is internally conflicted with psychological problems.

As such, all self improvement is mental and when the mind is unable to remain calm or focus then the ability to develop an image of self improvement will be impaired.

In short, a placid and healthy mind is required in order to successful embark on a plan of self improvement.

If a person is under stress or is aggravated this is not a mental state that is provides an impetus for self improvement. After all, if an individual is constantly fighting with co-workers or lives in an environment that is loaded with strife the person’s attention is drawn to the negatives in life and this is not where a person will use a launch pad to develop positive images of self esteem and improvement.

From this, one must recognize that there are psychological hindrances that are being placed on an individual’s ability to live up to their potential.

As such, it becomes important to address these psychological problems so as to diminish the trouble that they are causing.

Of course, the ability to extract oneself from a very negative situation is not always possible. People can not quit their job at the drop of a hat without suffering a negative impact.

Additionally, if one’s family life is difficult it would equally be unwise to walk out and sever ties with one’s family. This does not mean, however, that an individual should not take the steps to alter their troubled mind.

In order to undergo a process of self improvement and individual needs to have a placid mind. As long as an individual’s mental outlook is troubled, self improvement will be greatly limited.

If you find yourself suffering from anxiety then this will probably be the root of many of your problems as such taking serious steps to reduce anxiety would probably take a person on the path of solid self improvement.

Of course, this does not mean that the underlying reasons for an individual’s anxiety, but it are a step in the right direction for a course of self improvement.